2 Things to Think About When You Talk to Your Aging Parents

For some reason lately I have heard a spate of statements like:

“She won’t listen to me.”

“He’s so stubborn. Even if it makes his life better – and healthier – he still won’t do what I tell him.”

“My mom just refuses to let me help. She says she is capable of doing everything herself – even with Dad being gone now.”

Just like every situation, there are always two sides of every story and in the conversation about aging parents, there is a lot of emotional baggage being dragged along, too.

Today I want to talk mostly to adult children of aging parents – although aging parents should be listening, too.

First, I want to acknowledge that it is not easy to see your parents go from the strong people you counted on to people you see as vulnerable and in need of extra attention and help. And it’s not easy for them, either, believe me. Experts will give you lots of advice, but two of the best points, I think, to remember are these:

1. Try to understand the motivation behind your parent’s behavior. I once heard a geriatric care manager suggest: Ask yourself these questions: Are they acting this was out of habit, to assert independence, or because they are depressed or confused? What are they afraid of? I’m not suggesting your aging loved ones are acting immature, but there is value in thinking back to why you bristled when you were a kid and you were stubborn or obstinate. The root of most behavior lies in either love or fear. When you figure out what is the root cause of the behavior, you will be better able to work it out.
2. Treat them like the adults they are. Dealing with a stubborn parent is not the same as dealing with a stubborn child. They have lived a long time and had lots of experiences and learned how to solve a lot of problems. Older people want to be autonomous. They want control of their lives – or at least to be a part of the decisions that are made. Again, consider how you would feel, honestly, in their shoes.

As adult children, you are sandwiched in between all the needs of your immediate family and work and the growing needs of your aging parents. That can create a situation that you just want to take care of things and move on to the next issue. It doesn’t work quite that quickly or easily when the issue concerns the daily life of independent parents.

The issue of independent aging loved ones was the very reason I founded Love My New Freedom. We created a way for active seniors to have a daily check-in on their terms. They don’t feel like anyone is babysitting them or keeping track of them, but someone is watching out in case something happens to them. They simply call in within a given time frame every day. If that call is missed, we immediately respond.

Older adults love it because they stay independent and on their own schedules. Their adult children love it because it eliminates the daily worry and provides peace of mind that someone is keeping in touch with Mom (or Dad). Both love it because the conversations they have with each other are less awkward and yes, filled with fewer arguments!

Just like every other stage of life has its challenges, so does this one. We try to make it better for everyone with Love My New Freedom.

A daily check-in call could be the lifeline, the joy you give someone that makes the biggest difference in their perception of what old age is like.

Contact me at 317-480-1038 today. Let’s make a difference together.

I’m Diana Beam, Founder of Keeping in Touch Solutions. It is my heartfelt desire for every person to live a happy and healthy life in the place they call home, no matter what their age. You can’t put a price on peace of mind for your parents and yourself. It’s priceless . . . and significant.

For that reason, the goal of every Keeping In Touch Solutions program is to provide a caring connection and service that both the elderly and their caregivers can rely on to make living that good life easier.